Rebirth
by kotoko minazuki
Summary: What happened between Shizuru and Natsuki between the end of the carnival and the end of the school year.
1. Chapter 1: Aftermath

**Author's Note:**  
I think most Shiznat fans have their own idea of what happened between Shizuru and Natsuki after the carnival and heading up to the epilogue of the last episode. Here's my take on their story. Hopefully I've remained true to their characters.

And thank you to MahouLVH for pushing me to actually put this up instead of hiding it in my bottom desk drawer.

**Rebirth: Chapter 1**

**Aftermath**

* * *

Fujino Shizuru was glad that the HiME festival was over. It hadn't been that many days ago, but in some ways that felt like a different lifetime. That was an apt analogy, she thought, as she and several of their circle had been reborn, or at least that seemed like the word to use for those who had reappeared after disappearing in a sparkling green cloud.

In some ways she was glad the festival was over and she was no longer a HiME, that she no longer possessed that awesome destructive power. She remembered her madness, the demon that rejection and despair had turned her into. She remembered her final battle with Natsuki, how she had misjudged Natsuki and how at the end Natsuki had held her and forgiven her. Yet she still worried if Natsuki truly forgave her, and if she really did care for her.

Shizuru had asked Haruka to oversee the immediate repairs to the school-grounds. She didn't have the energy to run here and there making sure that all of the little pieces were done correctly. Haruka, with Yukino's able support, had the energy, attentiveness and drive to do this well. Shizuru herself handled most of the higher level negotiations where diplomacy was more important than energy. It also worked well to let Haruka work with the Suzushiro Construction Company, which her father ran and which everyone agreed was the company to do the repairs.

More than that, seeing Haruka and Yukino was a bit much for Shizuru. She couldn't shake the feelings of guilt she had about killing Diana, whom Yukino summoned, and Haruka, her dearest friend. In some ways it was easier to see Haruka, with her straightforward, though rough, manner than Yukino. Maybe that was because she herself knew how much more painful it was to be deprived of your loved one or to see them in pain than it was to suffer yourself. After all, both Haruka and herself had been reborn in the same way. Most of all she still couldn't find the courage to apologize to Yukino for her actions, even though the rules of the HiME festival as well as her love for Natsuki demanded them.

It was far easier to simply avoid Nao for similar reasons: there was nothing in her duties which required their paths cross. Shizuru also realized she had yet to forgive Nao for what she had done to Natsuki, and she needed to do that as much as to apologize.

Natsuki was a different question. While at the end Natsuki had kissed her and said that it was all right, Shizuru still harbored doubts. Most of all she still doubted herself, whether she was forgivable. She wanted to see Natsuki, to be with her, to talk to her, but she feared Natsuki might repent of her decision.

So Shizuru didn't completely withdraw from the world; she kept her eyes open and continued to watch. She knew that Natsuki was now staying with Mai and Mikoto. After the damage that Shizuru and Nao had done to her room, she certainly couldn't stay there, so Mai had invited her to share her place along with Mikoto. Natsuki also seemed to be attending classes regularly and getting on with life in her own independent style.

Shizuru had rented an apartment for herself, since the dorms had been damaged in addition to Natsuki's apartment. In some ways this was just moving out quicker than she expected: she'd need to do this once she graduated and entered college anyway. She didn't have much time to look and a lot of people were looking for new housing given the recent damage to the area, so it wasn't surprising that the apartment she found might not have been her first choice given other circumstances: it was a western style one. Instead of the familiar tatami mats and sliding screens, it had carpet, a sofa, table and western bed among the furnishings. Shizuru was more adaptable than some people thought, and she could comfortably live in a place like this.

She also arranged for the mysterious Yamada-san to ``find'' Natsuki's bike and repair it for her again. Since Natsuki had sacrificed her bike in their last battle, which Shizuru now saw had been her salvation, she felt she should do what she could to fix this ``treasured toy'' of Natsuki's.


	2. Chapter 2: One Stormy Night

**Rebirth: Chapter 2**

**One Stormy Night**

* * *

Kuga Natsuki noticed that Shizuru had started keeping more and more to herself after the festival. While she never was as outgoing as Mai or Chie, this was exceptionally withdrawn even for her, more so than just having an apartment off campus would seem to imply. She also found that she genuinely missed Shizuru's quiet presence and even her teasing—though she would never admit that to her. When Yamada came by again with her repaired bike and an explanation that he had ``worked this in as part of the school repairs,'' she was suspicious, but she suspected Sakomizu-sensei.

The bike was too much temptation, and she sacrificed her resolution to not skip class anymore and took it out for a long ride in the country. She rationalized that this was only skipping a half-day this Saturday so it didn't matter so much to ditch these classes. The wind passing by, the feel of the road, the look of the countryside zooming by: she reveled in these and rejoiced in the freedom as she rode and rode and rode.

Returning that evening, Natsuki was tired from the long ride. On the way back, she had to fight a cross-wind that tried to blow her off the road and foretold worse weather to come. She found her aimless traveling had brought her right to Shizuru's apartment just as it began to rain. _Why not,_ she figured; she hadn't seen Shizuru in a while, and her place offered immediate shelter from the rain. She parked her bike and walked around to her friend's door, suddenly realizing how tired she was.

This evening Shizuru had changed into her usual nighttime yukata and was writing yet another letter asking for assistance in repairing the recent damage to the school. Of late, she found that she had to work much harder at these. This letter would formerly have just flowed from her fingers, but now she had to consciously think of what to say and of the right polite turn of phrase. Maybe it was that her mind kept coming back to Natsuki: the look on her face and the feel of her lips and their closeness in the ruined church at the end, but also the earlier look of horror on her face earlier when she discovered Shizuru's feelings. Shizuru had finally finished the letter when someone knocked at her door. This was odd, she thought, especially this late in the evening. She got up and went to answer the door.

``Natsuki?''

Shizuru stood for a moment simply staring at her friend standing there holding her motorcycle helmet. It wasn't until Natsuki smiled weakly and nodded that Shizuru snapped out of her reverie. She ushered Natsuki in and closed the door behind her.

Instead of her usual riding suit, Natsuki was wearing jeans and a pullover, both damp from the rain. Shizuru realized that she had never gotten her riding suit back after the incidents with Nao and at the Japanese mansion.

``Would you like some tea?'' asked Shizuru. Natsuki shook her head and simply stood there smiling her wan smile and looking exhausted, though Shizuru could not guess from what. Shizuru's heart went out to her young friend, and she led her into the apartment, gesturing for Natsuki to sit down. When Shizuru returned with a towel for Natsuki to dry off with, she found her sound asleep on one end of the sofa. _She can fall asleep anywhere,_ mused Shizuru, smiling tenderly as she took a blanket and pulled it over her sleeping friend.

Sitting down on the other end of the sofa, Shizuru gazed at the sleeping Natsuki. In sleep, she looked just as beautiful as usual but more tender and vulnerable. Shizuru winced inwardly as she realized where this train of thought was going. While she longed kiss those tender lips and caress Natsuki, she vowed never to do that now unless Natsuki explicitly gave her permission. After what Shizuru had done, she doubted Natsuki would ever be able to trust her enough to give such permission, much less feel the same way about her. She had held back this way for most of the time she had known Natsuki, so surely she could continue to do so. But still, it was hard.

Shizuru sat back to watch her sleeping friend and enjoy her presence. After a while, she too nodded off.

Natsuki slowly awoke to find herself covered by a blanket and sleeping on a sofa with Shizuru asleep at the other end. As she didn't remember anything about the blanket, Shizuru must have gotten it and covered her up before falling asleep herself. Outside it was both dark and raining heavily. Maybe it had been the sound of the rain which woke her up. It was definitely not good weather for riding, and Shizuru was not likely to begrudge her the space on her sofa to sleep the rest of the night, though she would likely tease her about it.

The position Shizuru was sleeping in looked like it was uncomfortable enough that she would regret it in the morning.

``Hey, Shizuru,'' began Natsuki, ``you'll get a stiff neck sleeping like that. You need to get up and go to bed.''

A few more tries produced only groggy mumbles from Shizuru, so Natsuki resorted to taking her by the hand and helping her sleepy friend stand up.

``Come on. Let's get you to your bedroom.''

Shizuru was still half-asleep and unsteady on her feet as Natsuki led her back to her bed, glad that the bedroom was not up a flight of stairs like Natsuki's was at her old place. Natsuki just managed to fold back the covers for Shizuru before she collapsed onto the bed. She pulled up the sheet and blanket over her friend, knowing how she disliked the cold, then turned out the light and headed back to the sofa, figuring she could easily sleep there herself. Before she got halfway there, she heard a whimper from Shizuru's room and a quiet, plaintive cry of:

``Natsuki... don't leave me.''

Turning back, Natsuki found Shizuru curled up in a ball, trembling. Occasionally a whimper of what sounded like terror escaped her lips. Natsuki had never seen her this way before. Shizuru was always calm and controlled, never upset by anything, much less afraid of it.

Natsuki had no idea what to do, but the words, ``Natsuki, don't leave me.'' echoed through her head and pulled at her heart. She remembered how over the years Shizuru had always been there for her, often even when she didn't even know she needed her. So she took the one straight chair in the room, brought it close to Shizuru's bed and sat down to watch her friend.

Shizuru continued trembling, so Natsuki reached out a hesitant hand to her back, not knowing if this would calm or increase her distress. The touch seemed to reassure Shizuru, and as Natsuki slowly rubbed her back her trembling subsided and she relaxed into a deeper and quieter sleep. Natsuki continued for a while before she too fell asleep.

Shizuru dreamed:

_ Red flowers of flame illuminate the dark ruins. Uncomprehending eyes of the dying look up at me, imploring. I am vengeance. I am retribution. They fall before me. They have hurt you; they have made you suffer. This, I will not allow. They will pay. Others have hurt you. I deal with them as well. _

_ You look at me, eyes full of shock and horror. ``What have you done?'' they seem to say. _

_ ``Natsuki,'' I cry. ``I did this for you. They hurt you. I have removed them. I am your vengeance. I love you.'' _

_ But you do not love me. Your face tells me so. I have become what you hate: violent, evil, grasping. You turn to walk off, to walk out of my life forever. _

_ ``Natsuki!'' I cry. ``Don't hate me! Don't leave me! Please!'' _

_ But you keep walking. I collapse to the ground, the very strength taken out of me. Instead of your enemies, what I have slain is any hope that you could ever return my feelings. I have become what I hate. I have destroyed the very thing that is most precious to me. I bury my face in the grass, wishing this to be the end. If I die here, will you even shed a tear for me? _

_ A gentle hand touches my back. It softly rubs my shoulders, calmly, quietly, tenderly. As it does, my fears begin to dissipate. The flickering flames die out and are replaced by the cool white light of the moon, and in this moonlight, I see that it is you stroking away my fears. You have returned to me. _

_ I will not ask why you have returned. I will not beg you to love me. It is enough just to have you here, even though this is only a dream. I feel I can now sleep safely: in my dreams you protect me from my darkest demons. _

And with this, Shizuru fell into a deep and restful sleep. She awoke slowly the next morning, feeling this had been a better night's sleep than she had had in quite a while. Unlike other nights, her first nightmare had not returned to haunt her throughout the rest of the night.

When she opened her eyes, there was Natsuki sitting in the chair next to her bed, asleep, just as Shizuru often found her asleep in her chair in the student council room. This time Natsuki had fallen asleep watching over Shizuru, and the tender expression on her face made Shizuru's heart swell with love and gratitude. Her outstretched hand lying on the edge of the bed made Shizuru think that it might not have been just a dream that Natsuki had softly stroked away the knots of fear in her back. That hopeful thought brought a smile to her face.

Thinking back, Shizuru tried to put the pieces of her memory of last night together. She remembered Natsuki unexpectedly stopping by and almost immediately falling asleep on the sofa. She remembered happily sitting and watching Natsuki sleep for a while. After that, she must have fallen asleep herself. But then, how did she get back here? Natsuki must have brought her back, but she must not have awakened enough notice. The fact that Natsuki was calmly sleeping there, next to her bed, said that she had done nothing to scare her off which was a relief in itself.

Shizuru lay there for a while, just watching Natsuki, savoring her expression, tracing every line of her face and hair with her eyes, saving this all away as a tender, precious memory. But the sunlight beginning to stream through the window reminded Shizuru of her morning rituals, and while it would be nice to let Natsuki sleep and surprise her with breakfast, she realized that trying to get up and past Natsuki without waking her would probably not succeed. She feared awakening the younger girl with her close proximity—feared she would awaken her with an expression of fear and loathing that filled Shizuru with pain and regret. So, she would have to wake Natsuki first.

``Natsuki. Please wake up, Natsuki,'' she began without having much effect on the sound sleeper. A few more calls, and finally a hesitant touch on her outstretched hand opened Natsuki's eyes. Shizuru watched as Natsuki took in her surroundings, including her friend still lying on the bed in front of her, and replaced the brief expression of annoyance and then concern with her everyday face.

``Natsuki, I'm sorry to wake you, but I think it's time to get up.''

``Sure,'' replied Natsuki, scooting the chair back to give her more room.

``Thank you.'' Shizuru paused sitting on the edge of the bed for a moment before getting up and heading down the hall to wash her face. _Falling asleep and needing to be helped to bed doesn't exactly fit with my normal image,_ she thought, _but if there's anyone I should be able to relax and not worry about that in front of, it's Natsuki._ After all Natsuki was anything but a stickler for traditional propriety. But Natsuki's opinions, thoughts and reactions were far more important to Shizuru than anyone else's, and that made her worry and watch herself more in front of Natsuki. It was, Shizuru decided, because here she really cared. The depth and strength of her caring still terrified her.

Shizuru returned to find Natsuki still sitting in the chair, staring at the bed, or maybe she had fallen back asleep. Shizuru leaned against the door frame and simply savored watching her for a moment.

``Natsuki?'' she asked softly, not wanting to wake her up if she had fallen back asleep. Since Natsuki had put her to bed last night, letting her sleep peacefully was the least she could do for her.

Natsuki quickly turned, looking up, her green eyes conveying simple curiosity touched with what looked like concern for Shizuru. They watched each other for a while in quiet companionship.

``Thank you for taking care of me last night, Natsuki. If you're hungry I can make some breakfast?''

``Yeah. Thanks.''

Shizuru was surprised to see her get up immediately to join her on the way to the kitchen: she had merely wanted to see if Natsuki was still awake before starting work in the kitchen. She had wanted to let Natsuki sleep as long and peacefully as possible, but now that Natsuki voluntarily moved to join her Shizuru would never think of dissuading her.

She opened the cupboard and began taking out the pans and dishes, put the teakettle on to boil, then headed to refrigerator. Natsuki stood pensively watching her friend for a while, then hesitantly asked, ``Can I help any?''

This brought a smile to Shizuru's face, as she instructed Natsuki on little things to do to help out. She knew that the kitchen was anything but Natsuki's area of expertise or enjoyment, so her offer was especially precious. And if Natsuki didn't set the table perfectly, or if she took longer than Shizuru would have to do it all herself, it didn't matter. It was Natsuki helping.

Moreover, it seemed that for this moment both of them had put to sleep the demons in their memory. Maybe the sight of Natsuki quietly trying her best helped Shizuru forget for now the look of horror and rejection on Natsuki's face when she had discovered what and how much Shizuru would do for her: what Shizuru's feelings for her really were. Natsuki also didn't seem to be trying as hard as usual to keep the world at bay, and she was trying hard to help—and also be—a friend.

Shizuru watched Natsuki go about her helping tasks, and though someone less observant might not have noticed, her experience watching the raven-haired girl showed how hard Natsuki was trying to hide her frustration at her inexperience with these tasks. Were it possible, this made her even dearer to Shizuru.

The two finally sat down to eat the breakfast they had prepared and began in silence. They seemed to understand each other well enough that there was no need for words over the table, and this silence was much less awkward than some of those at school had been. When both finished most of their meal, Shizuru refilled both teacups, lifted hers and smiled as she smelled the delicate fragrance.

``Natsuki, thank you for helping me last night. I didn't mean to make you put me to bed. I don't remember you doing so, but... Thank you.''

``It's OK. You must have put that blanket on me when I fell asleep on the sofa. I guess it was my turn to help.''

Shizuru laughed, ``I guess so... Did I cause you any trouble when you put me to bed?''

``Other than not waking up and walking yourself there?'' countered Natsuki with a grin. ``No... but you did seem to have a nightmare after getting into bed.''

Shizuru paused. That Natsuki was willing to tease her like this was very welcome. Of course she remembered the nightmare—how could she forget it when it visited her so many nights. But was she ready to talk about it? Looking into Natsuki's clear green eyes, she saw a quiet acceptance and realized that, just maybe, hopefully, here was the one person she could share this with. There was no-one that she would rather, but to find the courage...

``Nightmares are something I've become too familiar with of late, though last night they turned out not to be as bad as other nights. If you did something that helped, thank you.''

Shizuru closed her eyes against the remembered pain.

``Would talking help?'' Natsuki hesitantly asked.

Taking another sip of her tea, Shizuru wondered when Natsuki had become this perceptive. She continued.

``Talking about it?... That may help, but I'd like to put that off for a bit if you don't mind. I... I guess I should take care of the dishes before they get hard to clean.''

She stood slowly and began gathering the plates along with her courage.

``Here, let me help,'' offered Natsuki. ``That is if you don't think that would be risking your dishes too much.''

Shizuru's lilting laugh carried back from the sink.

``I'm sure you won't drop them. Of all the things you've been, clumsy has never been one of them.''

Natsuki set down the plate and silverware she just brought in and quietly shook her head. It was good be able to exchange in this light-hearted banter, and Shizuru realized just how much she had missed it. The dishes were washed without any incident; Natsuki did the drying and was even able to put some away without being told where they were kept. Shizuru wondered if Natsuki had watched her that closely when she took them out earlier.

Working together with Natsuki did feel comfortably familiar, and they soon had taken care of all of the cleaning up after breakfast. With this done, the question of what to do next naturally presented itself.

``Were you planning on doing anything today?'' asked Shizuru, hoping deep inside that Natsuki would say she wasn't.

``I really ought to go study for our exams coming up. With all that's happened, I haven't done much. I can't say that I want to either. I need to go find someplace quiet to study, too.''

Shizuru laughed. ``My, what a conscientious student. I never would have guessed you were given the number of classes you skip, Natsuki.''

``Shizuru!'' Natsuki's cheeks colored.

``You're more than welcome to study here if you'd like,'' continued Shizuru, watching Natsuki's blush deepen.

``Thanks... I'll need to go get my books, though.''

While Natsuki was riding off to fetch her things, Shizuru quickly washed up and changed. She was picking up a few things when Natsuki returned with her backpack. She also had taken time to wash up and change, Shizuru noticed, catching a whiff of Natsuki's usual shampoo. Gesturing to the table where they had just eaten, Shizuru asked, ``Will this work for you?''

``Yeah,'' replied Natsuki sitting down and starting to take out her books. ``I haven't been able to concentrate. After what's happened it's hard to study. Maybe I'm not used to roommates. Mikoto's nice, but she doesn't seem to understand the concept of quiet study time.''

Shizuru brought out her books and joined Natsuki at the table. The two settled into a companionable silence, sitting together studying. Shizuru was glad to offer Natsuki this quiet haven, and even more so that Natsuki seemed to settle here so comfortably.

After a while, Shizuru realized she needed a break. Natsuki continued to concentrate on her book, so Shizuru quietly got up, and made tea from the kettle she kept going. Returning with two cups, she set one at Natsuki's elbow and sat down to savor hers while deciding what to do next.

Natsuki picked up her cup and sipped. She smiled at Shizuru.

``Thanks. Maybe I did need something like this.''

``You're welcome,'' replied Shizuru, warmed by the gratitude.

She decided she needed to do more work for the student council, and hoped that work would offer a nice change of pace. Shizuru set aside her teacup and opened her laptop. She had another letter to write, this time an acknowledgment and thanks for help towards repairing the campus. A quick review of the benefactor and their help led right into typing the letter, and before the rest of her tea could grow cold, she was done. This letter had been easy; the composition had flowed; she hadn't had to struggle for the right words. Shizuru picked up her tea and contemplated this difference. Why was this letter easier? Something whispered at the edges of her mind that the answer was sitting right across the table from her, her green eyes focused on her textbook.


	3. Chapter 3: Lunchtime Talk

**Rebirth: Chapter 3**

**Lunchtime Talk**

* * *

Out the window the sun climbed high overhead, or at least as high as it would on this winter day. Natsuki closed her book and looked up at Shizuru.

``I'm hungry. Shall we get some lunch?''

Shizuru looked up with a smile.

``That sounds like a good idea. Do you have someplace in mind?''

``No... I hadn't thought that far.''

Shizuru laughed and closed her laptop. This was typical Natsuki, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with that.

``I know a nice small place nearby. That is, if you don't mind a short walk and not having mayonnaise as the main course.''

Natsuki had to laugh in return. Shizuru knew her attachment to the creamy condiment, and just had to tease her about it.

``Sure, let's go.''

The place Shizuru led them to was only a couple blocks away. It was a small restaurant whose sign proclaimed, ``Chinese Cuisine: Otome.'' Looking at this Natsuki raised her eyebrow and commented.

``Chinese? I thought you would have picked a place with traditional Japanese food.''

``I'm not that limited,'' replied Shizuru with a laugh. ``And this place does have good noodles. The ramen is very tasty, though you may want to have something else given that you're living with Mai, the queen of ramen.''

They sat down at a table for two near the door. Natsuki remarked that this place didn't look empty though there were only five other folks eating there. When the woman who ran the place came with tea for them, both ordered the simple fried rice.

While they waited for their meal, Shizuru gathered her courage and began.

``Thank you for taking care of me last night. Since you were sleeping in the chair next to my bed, I can only assume that my nightmare was enough to make you think I needed looking after. That is, unless watching me sleep has become your new favorite pastime.''

``Shizuru!''

``I'm sorry, Natsuki. I shouldn't tease you while I'm trying to thank you like this.'' Shizuru still thought that the blushing Natsuki did look very cute, and teasing her like that was almost second nature. ``Anyway, in my nightmare, at the end, I do remember you coming and saving me, so if your sitting at my bedside helped that, I appreciate it. Could you tell me more of what happened?''

Natsuki looked across the table and saw that Shizuru was not wearing the placid smile she normally showed the world, but rather an expression that was much more open, vulnerable and which even showed hints of fear around the edges. And if Shizuru was willing to bring this subject up again after putting it off at breakfast, Natsuki couldn't turn down her request. Not Shizuru.

``Well, umm,'' began Natsuki, looking uncertain how to say this. ``Last night, I helped you to bed. I was heading out to sleep on the sofa, but you called out `Natsuki, don't leave me' as I was heading there. So I came back to see if you woke up. You hadn't, but you were curled up and shaking like a leaf. You looked like you were having a nightmare.''

``That I was,'' confirmed Shizuru, looking a little pale. When she stopped to sip her tea instead of saying more, Natsuki continued.

``I didn't know what to do.'' Natsuki's confusion colored her voice. ``I didn't know if I should wake you up, so I just took the chair, sat down and started rubbing your back. I didn't mean to bother you. I guess I must have fallen asleep myself doing that.''

``You weren't a bother; you were a help.'' Shizuru valiantly tried to smile. ``You rubbed my back in my dream too, and that brought me out of my nightmare. Thank you for saving me there, even if it was just with a touch in a dream. The worst part of the nightmare...''

She took a breath and another sip of her tea before continuing, grateful that Natsuki's expression showed only concern, not rejection.

``In the nightmare, I was reliving the terrible parts of the festival and the unforgivable things I did.''

Their green and crimson eyes met and held one another. _Please forgive me for what I did during the festival,_ Shizuru silently begged. _I don't blame you for being disgusted at that; I am. I feel I went mad then. I should have been able to restrain myself, but I didn't. Please forgive me for what I did to you. Waking up this morning and seeing you there was a dream come true. Please don't push me away. But even if you must, please, please don't hate me._

Natsuki seemed to understand something of this silent entreaty, or maybe saw something deep in Shizuru's eyes. Natsuki's eyebrows raised briefly in query and then her features softened into a kind smile she never showed others.

``Shizuru,'' Natsuki said in a tender voice she had never heard before, ``we've all done things we wish we hadn't. We can't keep them bottled up inside. You know how I lived only for revenge for years after my mother's death. Nao was the same. Her hatred for those who had hurt her family ate her up. But there was one difference: Nao didn't have anyone like you who stood by her as friend, like you did for me for all those years. I tried to push you away. I don't know what you saw, but you wouldn't be pushed away. Your staying with me saved me; I never became bitter like Nao. I can see that something is eating away at you. Can I help?'' A hint of entreaty colored the tenderness of her voice. ``Is there anything I can do? Please let me.''

Natsuki saw the shadow of iron control pass across Shizuru's face and hoped she hadn't offended her. But to see her friend like this...

Shizuru did indeed try with all her will to control her expression. It wasn't that Natsuki offended her. Quite the opposite, she used all her will to avoid breaking down in relief and gratitude for a boon she so dearly wanted but dared not ask for. Taking the first bite of her meal gave her time to collect herself before responding.

``I... Natsuki, you know I love you.'' Shizuru's words were quavering and almost a whisper. ``I know you don't love me the same way, but that's all right. What made my nightmare so terrible was that in it you rejected me for what I had done—hated me for what I had become.'' She took a deep breath and another bite of lunch, hoping that Natsuki would not confirm the fears she just confessed.

``Shizuru,'' Natsuki said tenderly, ``I told you, `It's OK,' back at the ruined church. It still is.'' She set down her chopsticks and gazed sincerely at Shizuru. ``I still mean that. I mean everything I said there. I don't hate you. I don't think I could.''

Shizuru blinked as her eyes filled, and gave a little sniffle. She looked back at Natsuki, very vulnerable, but filled with hope.

``Shizuru, I do care for you. I'm truly sorry that I don't love you the same way you love me. I... I've never felt that about anyone, man or woman. That's my failing, I guess.'' She paused, but seeing a hint of pain on Shizuru's face, she pushed on. ``But I understand your fear. If... The thought of you rejecting me, of you leaving me... I can't... I don't want to even think of that.''

Now Natsuki had to pause and collect herself. Shizuru gave another sniffle which granted Natsuki the time. With what Natsuki said, and which her expression showed she so obviously meant, Shizuru was willing to give her anything. She was also very glad that no-one was seated at the table next to theirs, but she was also glad that they were somewhat in public where all her instincts and years of training helped to keep her from breaking down.

``You remember how big Duran was at the end?'' asked Natsuki. ``His size showed how much I care for you. That wasn't hate. Please, never think that. Think about what happened at the end when we both disappeared. Didn't that show that you were the one I cared most about, just like I was for you?''

Shizuru paused pensively, then nodded. A small smile crept back into her face. This was matched by Natsuki's as they just gazed at each other for a while.

``Thank you, Natsuki,'' Shizuru softly replied. ``Thank you very much.''

The two finally got back to eating their meal. They couldn't sustain the intensity of that conversation: no-one could. It was time to take a breath and return to a more normal life.

Shizuru found that she could finally taste what she was eating and realized just how tense and nervous she had been. Thankfully she was relaxing now, though a wave of relief might be a better description. If she hadn't relaxed, she knew there would have been no room for both the food and the knots in her stomach.

``Hey, this is really good,'' commented Natsuki, obviously enjoying her meal. Shizuru, nodded, and the two finished lunch with only this type of light conversation that two good friends would have.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Part of this chapter found me standing at the intersection of ``write what you know'' and ``art imitates life,'' blinking in surprise. It was only after I had written of Shizuru and Natsuki having lunch, that I realized the name of the restaurant could also be a passing reference to Mai Otome. I actually modeled the restaurant after one I frequent when in Tokyo, name and all. I wonder if my subconscious was at work there.


	4. Chapter 4: After Exams

**Rebirth: Chapter 4**

**After Exams**

* * *

Natsuki continued studying at Shizuru's. This expanded from weekends to some other evenings as winter finals drew close. Shizuru was more than happy to have her there, whatever the pretext, and it seemed that Natsuki found this quiet atmosphere much more conducive to academics than the room she shared with Mai and Mikoto. She even learned to enjoy the tea that Shizuru would always make for them.

One day, while they were both doing some last-minute preparation for winter finals, Natsuki looked up and asked, ``Hey Shizuru, are you free next Sunday? You wanna do something to celebrate the end of exams? You said you're already doing something this Sunday, but...''

This caught Shizuru by surprise. Though Natsuki had been friendlier the past few weeks, this was the first that she suggested that they do anything besides study together. She was also touched that Natsuki had remembered that she had a Tea Salon meeting this Sunday. She had only mentioned that once in passing, and for her to pay that much attention...

``Of course. What would you like to do?''

Shizuru agreed, but quickly restrained her hopes, telling herself that this was just Natsuki being nice in return for the quiet study space she offered. She refused to let herself hope that Natsuki actually knew that was her birthday or that she might be doing anything about it.

The two arranged to meet that day for lunch and continued their studying.

The evening grew late and Natsuki finally closed her book and commented that it was time for her to head back if she didn't want to awaken Mai and Mikoto on her return.

``Thanks again for letting me study here,'' she concluded as she packed away her books and put on her jacket.

``You're welcome,'' Shizuru responded with a smile. ``Good luck on your test tomorrow.''

``You too,'' said Natsuki as Shizuru got up and saw her to the door.

Shizuru stood in the still-open door as Natsuki put on her helmet, mounted her bike and rode off with a wave of goodbye. She continued standing as she always did, watching Natsuki ride down the street, passing in and out of the patches of light from the streetlights until she turned the corner a few blocks down and completely vanished from view.

Only then did Shizuru close the door. She leaned back against it, looking at her apartment which now seemed empty, almost lonely. She washed and put away the tea service and cleaned the table for its next use. These study sessions together, she slowly realized, were becoming some of her most treasured moments. Even if it was only a quiet place and a table to work at together, Shizuru was happy to be able to offer them to Natsuki, and to have her offer accepted.

Soon, her other evening preparations were completed and Shizuru drew the small straight chair up next to her bed and climbed under the covers. Maybe it was silly, but this too had become part of her bedtime ritual. Later, if the nightmares returned and woke her, she would look at the chair in the dim light from the window and remember Natsuki sleeping there watching over her, and her cares would be eased. But was it silly? Shizuru thought that her nightmares had decreased of late, as if the memory of Natsuki really did sit there at night and protect her from her darkest demons.

That Sunday noon Natsuki and Shizuru met at the restaurant, Otome. There was an unspoken agreement between them that this was better than Linden Baum. They wouldn't have to worry about accidentally running into their friends who frequented that family restaurant or who worked there. They could spend a more quiet, private time here, and ever since their first shared lunch here Otome also had somewhat of a special meaning to both of them. Shizuru was pleasantly surprised at how good Natsuki looked in the sweater and navy slacks she had dressed up in, though the purse she was carrying this time did was a bit larger than usual for her. They entered, sat at a small table for two and ordered a simple lunch.

``I'm glad we're done with exams,'' began Natsuki as they waited for their order to arrive. ``Thanks for letting me study at your place. It really helped.''

``I'm also happy they're over. It looks like you scored rather well. Congratulations. I'm glad I could help out a little bit with that.''

``I think you helped more than `a little bit'. Without that quiet study time, I wonder if I would have passed at all. I hope I didn't interfere with your studying.''

``You didn't bother me at all.'' Shizuru laughed happily. Her own grades had certainly not suffered at all on these exams. ``I quite enjoyed studying together. You're welcome to keep on coming over.''

Shizuru watched Natsuki here and was relieved to find that this invitation wasn't troublesome or frightening. In fact, the barest hint of a smile played around her lips.

Shizuru could also tell Natsuki was nervous about something and had been since they met here, but she couldn't put her finger on the cause. As if in answer to this question, Natsuki opened her purse, took out a small box wrapped in lavender paper, and handed it to Shizuru.

``Happy birthday, Shizuru.''

``Natsuki, you shouldn't have,'' she stammered in shock. So Natsuki really did know this was her birthday, and she even went to the trouble of getting her a present.

``Go ahead. Open it,'' urged Natsuki.

Shizuru did so, carefully untying the ribbon and unfolding the paper as if the very wrapping itself was precious to her, for in fact it was. Inside the box, was a small silver necklace with a pendant of tiny violet-blue _fuji_ [wisteria] blossoms.

``Oh, it's lovely,'' said Shizuru, softly. Her eyes shown with gratitude, and she had to restrain herself from gathering Natsuki in a tight embrace and covering her with kisses. ``I'll always treasure this.''

``I knew you liked the color, and the flowers go with your name,'' Natsuki explained, ducking her head as her cheeks heated under Shizuru's smiling gaze. ``And I thought it would look good on you,'' she continued almost inaudibly.

Shizuru smiled as she took the necklace out and fastened it around her neck. ``Well?'' she asked as she let the pendant nestle in the hollow of her throat. The hint of smile and deepening blush on Natsuki's face answered Shizuru's question before Natsuki could say,

``It looks lovely on you.''

Further conversation was interrupted by the arrival of their meal. Which, Shizuru thought, could be either good or bad. She was working hard to restrain herself given the mood, but if Natsuki was going to say anything more, maybe show that she was ready to take another step closer in their friendship, she didn't want it to stop. Shizuru thought that it seemed that Natsuki was far more comfortable around her now than when she had recoiled in horror from Shizuru's madness.

The two ate their lunch quietly, making small talk rather than the more weighty topics of before. While the meal was good, Shizuru had to admit that she paid more attention to Natsuki than to the food. She could feel Natsuki's eyes on her face and neck, and Shizuru wondered at the source of Natsuki's slightly abstracted smile. Was it just that she was glad Shizuru liked her present? Was she appreciating her own ability to pick out something that suited Shizuru? Or could it be something more? Shizuru wanted to ask and find out, but did not let herself as she wasn't sure either of them were ready to talk openly of this. Whatever the answer might be, she was truly touched by the care that Natsuki took in getting her this present, and she would always treasure it together with Natsuki's words and expression as she presented it.


	5. Chapter 5: Christmas Party

**Author's Note:**  
Let me say thank you to all of you who've reviewed this. I really appreciate your words and they help keep me going. You also help me see what my writing look like through other's eyes, which is vital to any author. Please keep them coming, both short and long.

And with that, here's the next chapter for you.

**Rebirth: Chapter 5**

**Christmas Party**

* * *

The winter holidays began at the end of the following week, and Mai threw a Christmas party after the last day of school. Both Natsuki and Shizuru were invited, and both actually showed up. With Mai and Takumi cooking, there was plenty of good food to go around even though there was a large crowd in attendance.

While sometimes the cheer was a bit forced, folks for the most part forgot, or set aside, any grudges from the time of the festival and settled down to enjoy the party. Shizuru was able to exchange polite greetings with Haruka and Yukino, though they didn't say much more than that. She did notice that the Executive and her assistant seemed to be closer now than in past times. It was good to see them enjoying each others company, Shizuru thought to herself.

Nao even showed up at the party, which surprised Shizuru given Nao's usual penchant for avoiding events like this. When she saw Natsuki go over and talk to her briefly, she wondered if maybe Nao had seen some of the same changes in herself after the festival as she had. And if Natsuki was willing to talk to Nao amiably after all she had done to her, maybe she should try so as well. Shizuru gathered her courage and headed over to talk to Nao. A simple exchange of ``Merry Christmas,'' and ``How are you doing?'' was civil enough. When asked, Nao said that her mother was doing better, and actually smiled while talking about her. Perhaps the smile came from the fact that her mom was actually doing better of late. It seemed sincere and looked good on her face.

Mai naturally seemed willing to party all night, and acted as if everyone else shared her enthusiasm. As the party wore on, Shizuru noticed Natsuki grew tired of the party about the same time she did, though she figured no one else could tell. She wandered over and asked in a tone only Natsuki could hear:

``Are you trying to decide if you want to be the first to leave?''

``Shizuru! I,... uh, yeah,'' Natsuki quietly replied. ``But if I leave too soon, Mai will wake me up and tease me mercilessly when she gets back to our room.''

``If you would like to use my sofa, I promise not to wake you up or tease you like that.'' Shizuru smiled. ``Though not being in your bed when Mai gets back might well invite another kind of teasing from her.''

Natsuki's face brightened. ``Really? You would?''

``Of course. You're always welcome to stay over,'' Shizuru replied. She also filed away the observation that Natsuki had not replied with the embarrassed outrage this same invitation would likely have earned a couple months ago. She could almost call it eager acceptance, but dared not.

``Thanks. I need to grab some things first,'' Natsuki said, her cheeks slightly coloring. ``We probably shouldn't leave together. That'd give Chie and Aoi too much ammunition.''

``True. Do you want to leave first? How does meeting at my apartment in an hour sound?''

``Fine. See you there,'' agreed Natsuki. Looking around she found that Shizuru had managed to find the only private corner in the whole gathering and it looked like nobody else overheard their conversation. That woman was simply amazing.

An hour later, Shizuru answered the knock at her door. It was Natsuki, right on schedule. She had brought a small bag of things she'd need for spending the night.

``Please come in. Thank you for coming over.''

``What's this `thank you'? You're helping _me_ tonight.''

Shizuru laughed in reply as they gravitated toward the table where they'd spent hours studying together. Shizuru always kept it clean, but this time neither felt inclined to fill it with textbooks and notebooks.

``I'm glad Mai had her party,'' commented Shizuru. ``I think I needed that push to talk with some of the other people there, and I'm glad I did. But honestly, right now I prefer a quieter time like this. A little company is nice though.''

``Same here. And since you promised not to tease me when I'm asleep like Mai would...''

Shizuru noticed Natsuki lean over to take something from her bag. She guessed what she was doing, so it was almost simultaneously that the each held out a package to the other, saying,

``Merry Christmas.''

When they had both finished laughing over the timing, Natsuki commented, ``Go ahead and open yours first since it's smaller.''

``If you say so, Natsuki,'' replied Shizuru. ``Thank you. What is it, some sexy lingerie?''

Natsuki's expression wavered between outrage and embarrassment. Relenting, Shizuru proceeded to open the small box. Inside she found,

``Tea! And it's my favorite variety.'' Shizuru was as touched by this attention to detail, and the fact that Natsuki had taken the care to notice, as by the gift itself. ``Oh, Natsuki, thank you! And picking the light brown [tea-colored] paper and green ribbon is perfect, since this is green tea.'' She took the box and smiling held it close to her heart.

``I'm glad you like it. Honestly, the clerk suggested those colors when I told her about you. I'm glad you like them too.''

``I'm sorry for teasing you about your present, Natsuki.'' Shizuru's smile was far more full of sincere joy and gratitude than usual as she urged Natsuki to ``Go ahead,'' gesturing toward her present.

So Natsuki opened the much larger box from Shizuru. Folding back the tissue paper on top, she uncovered,

``A riding suit! And in dark blue. You shouldn't have. This is to much.''

Natsuki's face was bright red as she took the suit out, feeling its strong, supple leather.

``I'd noticed that you've been wearing jeans and such instead of your old riding suit of late. Since I knew how you enjoyed your old one and since I was involved with you losing it, I thought it only appropriate to get you a new one. I figured you'd like dark blue more than your previous gray. It really is your color. I hope it fits.''

``Thank you,'' Natsuki stammered. ``Um, would you mind if I used your room to try this on?''

``Go ahead. I promise not to peek. I'll go make some tea for us.''

In a short while, Natsuki returned wearing the riding suit. Shizuru entered from the kitchen with a pot of tea, two cups and a small plate of cakes to nibble on. Looking at Natsuki, she saw that the suit did indeed fit very well. From the way it followed her lovely curves, there was not much room for error in the fit either.

``How does it fit?''

``Perfect,'' answered Natsuki, running her hands over the suit. ``Thank you again.''

``Thank goodness,'' Shizuru sighed in relief. She really did have a good knowledge of Natsuki from all her years of observing her, even if she still was insecure about it. Those years of practice also helped her admire how good Natsuki looked in the suit without it appearing that she was.

They sat back down and continued enjoying the rest of the evening in idle chat, while sharing the delicate flavor of the tea and the crisp cakes that went with it.

When it grew late enough to be time for bed, Shizuru brought out a spare pillow and blankets for Natsuki to use on the sofa. She also gave Natsuki a yukata and complete privacy while changing.

``Let me know when you're done.''

Natsuki nodded and smiled in reply, seeming to notice and appreciate Shizuru's restraint. Though sorely tempted, Shizuru refused to sneak a look. She refused to betray her trust. Neither of them rushed, but it wasn't long before the two were changed, Shizuru wearing her yukata and Natsuki in the one Shizuru loaned her rather than the pajamas she brought.

``Is there anything else you'll need tonight?'' asked Shizuru.

``No, the sofa will be fine. I've slept in worse places.''

``Like my chair in the Student Council room?'' replied Shizuru with a laugh. ``In that case, good night and sleep well.''

``Good night, Shizuru. And... thank you for everything.''

The next morning Shizuru awoke early. Taking a peek, she found Natsuki was still asleep on the sofa, looking comfortable, adorable and very attractive. True to her word, Shizuru did nothing to wake her, but did silently watch her for a while.

Shizuru thought it would be nice to surprise Natsuki with breakfast and began by putting on the teakettle, thankful that it had no whistle to wake her. Before she had done much more, she felt a pair of green eyes watching her. Natsuki had gotten up and was standing, leaning against the door-frame.

``Can I help?'' she asked.

Shizuru smiled. ``Thank you. I was hoping to surprise you with breakfast, but it looks like you won't be very surprised now.''

Natsuki laughed. As she helped with the preparations, Shizuru noticed that she seemed to remember where things were and what to do much better than she would have expected. Was she really paying that close attention to little things like this?

When it was ready, they sat down to share the breakfast they prepared together. Shizuru felt that Natsuki's company and help made up for not being able to surprise her with a fully-made meal. She'd just have to surprise her some other way, later.


	6. Chapter 6: New Year's

**Rebirth: Chapter 6**

**New Year's**

* * *

Shizuru did some last minute cleaning of her apartment on New Year's eve. She and Natsuki had arranged to get together to watch the big Kohaku music special on TV tonight and do the first shrine visit of the year the next day. This year, Shizuru was not returning to her parents home for the holiday and Natsuki had no parental home anyway. Shizuru was both grateful and honored that Natsuki considered her a good enough friend to spend this time together. She dared not hope that what Natsuki felt went beyond ``friend'' to ``family'', but there were definite tendencies that way herself.

She checked the two kimono she had gotten out, one for her with pale green leaves on a deep purple, and one for Natsuki with lavender flowers on a deep blue. She was glad that Natsuki agreed to wear a traditional outfit and accept the loan of a kimono as she didn't have one herself.

Her preparations were interrupted by the expected knock at the door. She opened the it to find Natsuki standing there, looking very good in her new riding suit.

``Please come in.''

Natsuki entered and put down one of her packages on the table. Gesturing to it, she commented,

``Here, I brought some _Toshikoshi_ [year-crossing] _Soba_ for us.''

``Thank you. That will be the perfect thing to eat.''

Shizuru took the soba noodles and finished preparing them while Natsuki put aside her other bag and set the table for the two of them.

Natsuki's other bag was a small one carrying the things she needed to spend a couple nights here. Mai was going to be out-of-town for New Year's, and with a little encouragement Mikoto was going to be spending the time with Reito and his family. Natsuki's staying here had helped that encouragement. Shizuru was naturally more than happy to invite her, and Natsuki found that she didn't mind accepting the invitation.

After finishing off the soba, the two retired to the sofa to watch some of the Kohaku on TV, and Shizuru brought out a blanket to ward their legs against the winter chill. They enjoyed talking about the singers that were featured. Natsuki teased Shizuru about preferring the enka singers, and Shizuru teased Natsuki back about only liking ``that modern pop stuff.'' But it was all in fun, for they found that their tastes actually corresponded much better than they might have guessed.

They continued watching as the clock crept toward midnight.

``Bong!''

The neighborhood temple bell rang out. Shizuru's thoughts wandered from the singer on TV; this night, she thought, the priests rang the bell 108 times to drive out the the 108 evil desires which afflict man. If she took this sound into her heart, would it purge the evil of her desire for Natsuki? At least it would remind her not to lust to strongly for her this night.

``Bong!''

Looking over at Natsuki, she still felt a strong love for her; she still thought she was stunningly attractive. But would she act on this desire? Shizuru pushed on some of the barriers she had erected in her mind, testing them.

``Bong!''

And they held. She would rather sit and watch, not doing anything, than to do something _to_ Natsuki without permission, and she felt she already had permission for some things, like spending time like this together. Shizuru had to smile. Maybe she didn't need to fear herself quite so much. Maybe the temple bell did help.

Her eyes were starting to grow heavy. Maybe it was time to go to bed, but Shizuru didn't want the enjoyable time here with Natsuki to end. So she dared.

Shizuru leaned over and lay her head down on Natsuki's lap, closed her eyes and counted her fearful heartbeats. Was this going to far? A hand touched her hair. It was Natsuki, softly, tenderly stroking it, brushing back a few wayward strands. Shizuru let out the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. Natsuki wasn't offended.

Natsuki couldn't keep this up forever, no matter how much Shizuru wished it, so eventually Shizuru felt the caressing of her hair come to a stop. _What now?_ she wondered. Maybe Natsuki would suggest they part and both go to bed. But she did not. Instead, Natsuki used the remote to turn off the TV and reached up to turn off the light. She then pulled the blanket up around Shizuru's shoulders, placed her hand on Shizuru's waist and gave a small squeeze. Shizuru's heart skipped a beat. This was a gift beyond hope. She reached up to take Natsuki's hand, returning her gentle grasp.

The two remained like this: Shizuru soon falling into a contented sleep, untroubled by any dreams. Not long after, Natsuki's own eyes also closed in sleep.

The next morning, Natsuki was awakened by the alarm on her cell phone. She quickly turned it off and took stock of her situation. Once again she was asleep on Shizuru's sofa, but this time instead of a blanket, Shizuru herself was asleep with her head pillowed on her lap. Natsuki smiled, remembering how she had lain down there last night.

That Shizuru felt confident enough in their friendship to do this was a relief. While Natsuki didn't feel attracted to her in the same way Shizuru did, she was glad that Shizuru no longer seemed ready to flinch whenever the two drew close.

``Wake up, sleepyhead,'' Natsuki said, putting her hand on Shizuru's shoulder. When Shizuru mumbled but didn't wake up, she gently shook her shoulder and added, ``If you don't get up now, you'll miss the first sunrise of the year.''

Shizuru opened her eyes and turned her head to look up at Natsuki.

``Good morning, Natsuki. Thank you for waking me. I hope I didn't cause you trouble by falling asleep on you like this.''

``No... no trouble. You sleep OK?''

Shizuru smiled and sat back up.

``Yes, very well. Thank you for being such a wonderful pillow.''

Their shared laughter filled the apartment.

Natsuki got up and joined Shizuru in front of the eastern window. The horizon was just beginning to glow with the rosy colors of dawn.

``Is this OK? You wanna to go outside to see better?'' she asked.

``This will be just fine,'' replied Shizuru. ``Don't you think the sun should come up behind that hill.''

The two stood there quietly together, and watched as the first edge of the sun peeped over the horizon, promising a new year and new hope.

Shizuru quoted:

New Year's Day:  
What luck! What luck!  
A pale blue sky!

``Who wrote that?'' asked Natsuki, impressed at her ability to be ready with a traditional poem for the occasion. ``It really matches the view.''

``That was Issa.''

Shizuru smiled at Natsuki's recognizing this was not just a random statement, but a haiku from one of the masters.

The sun fully rose, and no more words were needed as they stood close and enjoyed each other's simple company.

They continued the morning by sharing breakfast. Natsuki noticed that Shizuru always kept a bottle of mayonnaise in her refrigerator now. She recalled that there hadn't been one there the first time she ate here, and she realized that while she would use it regularly, Shizuru seemed to almost never use it herself.

As they finished cleaning up after the meal, Shizuru asked:

``Are you still willing to dress traditionally? I don't want to push if it makes you uncomfortable...''

``No, it's OK. If we're going shrine visiting, that's what to wear. ...and thanks for the loan. I don't have anything like that.''

Shizuru smiled in response and took her back to show her the kimono she had laid out with an obi and box of accessories next to them.

``It's no problem. You can use my room to have some privacy to change. Do you want to change first or should I?.''

``Go ahead. You're faster anyway,'' replied Natsuki, heading back out to the front room.

Shizuru closed her door and finished putting up her hair then donned her kimono, straightening it and tying her obi with the facility of long practice. After a quick check that she was done and that things were set out for Natsuki, Shizuru opened the door.

``Natsuki, I'm done. The room is all yours now.''

Natsuki headed back and closed the door, while Shizuru got out two pair of zori for their feet and set them by the door to put on. She put the finishing touches on her outfit and makeup while waiting for Natsuki to come back out.

``Shizuru!'' called out a frustrated Natsuki. ``Can you help me with my obi?''

``Of course.''

Shizuru smiled, happy that Natsuki thought well enough of her to ask for help with this, and she tightened her resolve not to repeat her transgressions last time she had dressed Natsuki.

Natsuki had quite credibly done everything but the obi. Shizuru smiled at how well she did. Not every girl nowadays was able to do even this well dressing themselves in kimono. She was able to straighten a couple places where Natsuki couldn't easily reach by herself. Shizuru took the obi, wrapped Natsuki and tied it in a box bow. She then finished it with the obi-cord and bustle-sash. She noticed that instead of going to the effort to put her hair up like Shizuru had, Natsuki had gathered her long tresses with a lavender bow near the ends. It matched the outfit nicely and looked quite good.

``There you go,'' commented Shizuru, taking a quick look over Natsuki to make sure everything was in order. It was, and she looked lovely. ``Is mine OK?'' she asked, but when Natsuki nodded that it was, she continued, ``Wait, there's one more thing.''

Shizuru turned and rummaged through one of her drawers. When she turned back, she was wearing the necklace Natsuki gave her for her birthday. Seeing Natsuki's eyes widen as she recognized this one change, Shizuru explained.

``It may not be perfectly traditional, but I think it goes with the color—and I really want to wear it at a time like this.''

Natsuki's surprised smile deepened into a blush. Shizuru thought she looked especially cute that way, but realized that this time she wasn't aiming for that reaction. Her comment was perfectly true and sincere.

``Think we'll see anyone we know?'' mused Natsuki as they put on their zori and headed out.

``I wonder.''

Shizuru wasn't sure whether she hoped to see friends or not. It all depended on what Natsuki would think of being seen out together like this. If Natsuki was happy, so was she.

At the neighborhood shrine, who should they run into but Haruka and Yukino.

``Happy New Year, Suzushiro-han, Kikukawa-han,'' Shizuru greeted them. Natsuki joined her in those sentiments.

``Fujino!'' countered Haruka. ``Are you still caustic trouble?''

Apparently the sight of Shizuru in kimono triggered some unhappy memories.

``Haruka-chan!'' Yukino tried to restrain her. ``That's causing,'' she corrected reflexively.

Shizuru bowed deeply to the two, ``Please forgive me for what I did back then. I want to never hurt others like that again.''

``Fujino!...'' Haruka's famous volatility showed itself again.

``Haruka-chan, please.'' begged Yukino. She then turned to Shizuru ``I forgive you. We all did things to repent of back then. Please don't be angry with Haruka-chan.''

Haruka continued simmering while Shizuru thanked Yukino. An unusually determined Natsuki stepped forward, locked gazes with Haruka and demanded, ``Shizuru apologized. Yukino just accepted her apology. I've accepted hers. Can't you? —If you don't, _I_ will never forgive you!''

Shizuru turned to look at Natsuki with an expression of awe and admiration. Did she really say that? Yes, she had.

Under Natsuki's firm gaze, Haruka finally acquiesced, telling Shizuru, ``I forgive you.'' After Shizuru bowed in thanks, she stormed off with Yukino in tow.

When the two were gone and Shizuru figured they had more privacy in the crowd, she took Natsuki's hand, squeezed it tightly and told her, ``Thank you,'' her eyes shining with gratitude and admiration. ``I...'' but her heart was too full to continue. For Natsuki to publicly defend her like this was precious beyond words.

``You're welcome,'' replied Natsuki, squeezing Shizuru's hand in return, giving her a smile and a nod of understanding.

Gesturing toward the inner part of the shrine she offered, ``Let's go.''

Making their way through the crowd, Shizuru and Natsuki arrived at the center of the shrine. Together, they tossed an offering into the box, clapped and spent a moment in silent prayer. Bowing in thanks afterward, they both looked up, only to find that each was stealing a glance at the other. They had to smile as they headed off together. Neither had the courage to ask what the other had prayed for; besides, that would have been impolite.

Going with the crowd, they wandered to the maiden selling fortunes. Each got a different number, but when they had gotten the associated fortunes, both were headed by _dai-kichi_ [great luck]. As she read the details on her fortune, Shizuru's face lifted into a smile. She saw that reading her own had sent Natsuki's blood to her cheeks.

They paused nearby to tie their fortunes to a twig. ``Some people say this is only superstition, or tradition, but I really hope that this does come true,'' commented Shizuru with a smile as they did this. ``What about yours?''

Natsuki's blush deepened as she very quietly answered, ``Me too.''

Shizuru wanted to ask more about that simple answer, but she judged that now was not the time to pry. She also wondered about the details on her fortune suggesting that this year was a good one for love, building relationships and new beginnings. She hoped that her flavor of love was included in what the fortune meant.

They both enjoyed the clear weather as they continued walking around the grounds. The stately pines in their dark green stood next to the bare sakura, promising new life from their branches in only a few months.

As they walked, an older neighborhood woman came up and wished them a happy New Year. Shizuru greeted her as Mrs. Oshima—the two obviously knew each other— and they began talking.

``It's so good to see young women like you still wearing nice kimono these days,'' Mrs. Oshima said, referring to both of them. ``You even know the chrysanthemum and pine color schemes for these two months. Most girls your age don't. You two look good together; you look so lovely in them.''

``Thank you,'' replied Shizuru at her most polite.

Natsuki could only blush and join her in bowing, tongue-tied. She hadn't known how carefully Shizuru had picked out their outfits, but she was not surprised at this confirmation of her friend's skill and depth of knowledge.

Shizuru continued talking politely to Mrs. Oshima for a while and they finally parted with shared wishes for a happy and healthy new year.

Natsuki's smile and nod told Shizuru that she had picked up on Mrs. Oshima's observations and realized the care in Shizuru's preparations—and that she appreciated her efforts as well. This alone was reward enough for Shizuru.

Natsuki asked, and found out that Mrs. Oshima lived just down the block, and that Shizuru frequently met her at the neighborhood market.

``I'll bet she was happy to meet a polite girl like you,'' commented Natsuki.

``Oshima-han did say something along those lines. She's a very nice lady.''


	7. Chapter 7: School Lunch

**Rebirth: Chapter 7**

**School Lunch**

* * *

A few days after school started, Natsuki took the lunch Mai had made for her and headed out of her classroom. After a short search, she found Shizuru and asked:

``Hey, You doing anything for lunch? I've... I... um, if you aren't, I'd like to have lunch with you.''

``With you, Natsuki? Of course,'' replied Shizuru. ``I doubt Kikukawa-han will begrudge us the use of the new Student Council Room.''

Sure enough, Yukino agreed to loan it to them as a private lunch room. Shizuru closed the door, and both sat down and opened their lunches.

``Thank you for joining me for lunch.'' began Shizuru as she poured tea for both of them. ``I'm honored.''

Natsuki blushed, far deeper than Shizuru's words would normally have caused. Shizuru sipped her tea, waiting for Natsuki to begin. She wasn't going to push, hoping Natsuki would say more, and even if she didn't, Shizuru would still enjoy this lunch together. She really did feel as honored as she said.

``I, um... I think I need someone to talk to. Mai's busy and Mikoto wouldn't understand, and... honestly you were the first person who came to mind.''

``Thank you, Natsuki. What is it that you'd like to talk about?''

``Well, you know how Takeda's chased after me for years?'' Shizuru nodded. ``Well, yesterday...'' Natsuki blushed deeper, and continued on in a rush, ``Yesterday Yamakura—in Mai's class—asked me to go out with him. He said that he's been in love with me for a long time, that I was beautiful, that he thought we could have fun together.'' She skidded to a stop. Embarrassed and unsure what to say next, she dug into her lunch.

``Oh, my,'' replied Shizuru, a smile playing around her mouth. ``Thank you for trusting me enough to talk this over. It does sound like he surprised you with this. How do you feel about his confession? —or about him?''

``I wasn't expecting it; I thought I only had to worry about Takeda and had settled that. And how do I feel?'' Natsuki paused and looked out the window, then straight at Shizuru. ``I don't know... confused? worried? That's why I wanted to talk to you.''

``I can't say I'm surprised that others find my cute Natsuki attractive.'' After the expected—though milder than usual—outrage at her teasing, Shizuru continued. ``You didn't say you felt happy, Natsuki, or even that you felt complimented. Those are common reactions.''

``No.'' Natsuki paused, thinking this over.

While she did, Shizuru pondered why guys now seemed willing to approach ``Ice Princess Natsuki.'' Could it be that she was beginning to thaw? She dared not speak these thoughts aloud, but wondered if others had noticed the soft smile that would sometimes grace Natsuki's face when she thought no-one else was looking. She also didn't dare let herself speculate on the origin of that smile.

``It didn't make me happy,'' Natsuki finally answered. ``And complimented? I don't want this from him. I—'' She stopped as a thought clicked into place. ``You never asked how I answered him.''

``If you would rather not tell me, Natsuki, I'm not going to ask, but if you do want to...''

``I turned him down,'' Natsuki replied. Was the shadow of relief on her face from having said this out loud, or from some reaction she saw in Shizuru's face.

``And you're wondering if you did the right thing?'' asked Shizuru.

Natsuki nodded. ``I didn't want to be cruel anymore, but dating him... That just doesn't appeal to me.''

``Then you were right to turn him down,'' replied Shizuru, calmly. ``You can always second guess yourself until you're unsure of anything. Do you want to talk about how you feel about him?''

``He's a guy,'' Natsuki stated simply, somewhat startled that this was her first reaction, and how it almost seemed a full answer. ``I don't know. I guess I'm not interested in spending time with some leering guy who just thinks I'm good looking.''

``Yet you specifically asked to have lunch with a leering girl who thinks you're good looking.''

Before Shizuru had time to wonder if she said the wrong thing bringing up herself and her feelings Natsuki strongly countered:

``But you're different!''

It was Shizuru's turn to be surprised, and she quietly asked,

``Really?''

Natsuki nodded again, tongue-tied. Shizuru wanted to be hopeful about this answer, but was scared to ask. Instead of the outrage she expected from her comment, Natsuki had practically defended her.

``You've always been there and cared for me,'' explained Natsuki. ``I don't feel you're trying to take something from me or...''

Both paused, and Natsuki changed the subject. ``Have you ever been attracted to a guy? What's it like?''

Shizuru just stared at her for a bit. This was certainly not where she was expecting Natsuki to lead the conversation, nor had she expected the implication that Natsuki had never been so attracted. As her smile grew softer and more genuine, she replied:

``No, I'm sorry. I never have, Natsuki. I can play the part at times when it's required, but I never really have. Women...'' she bowed her head and clutched her teacup. ``Women, yes. I...'' She decided to change her example, figuring that it was probably safer to talk in the abstract rather than in too much detail about her feelings for Natsuki herself. ``Women are lovely. There are some I just feel attracted to: I also want to hold and hug them, and yes, more. Men? Some might be interesting to talk to as friends, but that's about it.''

``I see.'' Natsuki nodded. ``I understand what you're saying about men. I've had few enough friends as it is, but I see.''

Shizuru noticed that she said nothing about women. Was it because that obviously meant nothing to Natsuki, or because it meant more and she didn't want to talk about it. Shizuru knew which she hoped it was, but she wasn't going to assume that. It was better to cherish Natsuki's friendship here than destroy it through a mistaken assumption.

``I suppose I may not be the right person to ask about love,'' Shizuru continued. ``After all, no-one would say that I've had a `normal' experience with it.''

``You've always been much better than just _normal_,'' countered Natsuki with a smile. She then changed the subject back, ``But how should I act toward Yamakura the next time I see him?''

Shizuru thought for a moment. ``You don't have to be quite as forceful with everyone as with Takeda.'' Natsuki sniffed at this in disdain. ``...at least initially. Had he asked me, I would probably act like he had only given me a complement. `You're beautiful' is a rather nice one.'' Shizuru smiled and thought that whatever else Yamakura might have said, this was definitely true. ``Since you've already turned him down, that question is answered and you can go on is if it wasn't asked. In your case, being a bit curt would be completely normal. I would need to remain polite, but maybe a little distant. Does that help?''

``Yes, thanks Shizuru. But what if he asks again? Or what if someone else does?''

Shizuru detected an edge of something almost like panic in Natsuki's voice, and she reassured her. ``Then you can turn him down again, Natsuki. That is, unless you decide you don't want to do that.''

Shizuru was heartened to notice a flash of rejection on Natsuki's face at the suggestion she might accept such a request.

Once done with lunch, both headed back to their respective classrooms. On the way, Natsuki saw Yukino and briefly stopped her.

``Yukino-san, thank you for giving us the loan of your Student Council Room.''

``You're very welcome,'' the shy girl replied, adjusting her glasses. She was surprised by Natsuki's words. ``It seems that some of Fujino-san's manners are rubbing off on you.''

Unsure how to react to that observation, Natsuki continued on to her classroom. However, more she thought about it, though, the more complimented she felt.


	8. Chapter 8: Seaside Sunset

**Rebirth: Chapter 8**

**Seaside Sunset**

* * *

The weather this February day was warmer than seasonal. Once more, Natsuki was studying over at Shizuru's, as had become their habit. They shared space on the table: Natsuki working on her Mathematics and Shizuru intent on her Classical Japanese Literature.

Shizuru noticed Natsuki had become more contemplative, maybe even a bit unsettled of late, especially today. She was concerned to see her friend unhappy and sincerely hoped she wasn't any cause of it. Her rational mind said, ``no,'' as Natsuki continued coming over for their study sessions together. She still gave Shizuru a friendly greeting on arriving as always and when Shizuru smiled back, the expression in her eyes hinted at something Shizuru might—or hoped she could—call happiness.

But Shizuru still worried, so she ventured, ``Natsuki, I don't mean to pry but...'' She looked into the clear green eyes now gazing back at her. ``It seems like there might be something bothering you, and I... I'd like to... Could I... Is this something where talking might help?'' She looked down at her hands clasped in her lap and continued quietly, ``You really helped me by listening to me talk things over, and if I could...''

``Shizuru.'' Natsuki's voice brought her gaze back up to look at her. ``You're right, there is something bothering me.'' Natsuki must have noticed some change in her expression, as she continued answering her unspoken fear, ``Don't worry, it doesn't have anything to do with you'' She tilted her head pensively. ``Maybe talking would help. I don't know.''

``If you want to talk, Natsuki, I would be more than happy to listen to whatever your lovely voice has to say.''

Natsuki blushed at this, but chose to focus on Shizuru's meaning, not her teasing. ``OK,'' she answered. ``It may not help, but it is annoying feeling like this. So if you're willing to try...''

``For you? Of course,'' answered Shizuru with a smile.

Natsuki raised an eyebrow at the qualifier, then gestured to her books and said, ``I do need to finish off some of this today, but...'' She looked at the clock. ``Since it's that time, how about taking a break and talking over lunch? Since you're trying to help, my treat.''

``I'd love that,'' said Shizuru, her eyes sparkling. She was as moved by Natsuki's simple acceptance and trust as by her buying the meal, and she resisted the urge to gleefully thank Natsuki for taking her on a date and simply suggested, ``Shall we go to Otome again? It seems we're developing a tradition there.''

Natsuki nodded. ``We do seem to be. That's fine.''

The two arrived at Otome, found ``their'' somewhat private table in the corner free and sat down there. Once they were seated and had ordered, Shizuru began ``I'm here to listen to whatever you want to talk about. I know how much you helped me with the troubles I was still carrying from my time as a HiME.'' At this mention, Natsuki's face twisted between sorrow and anger. Shizuru saw this and continued, ``I didn't mean to bring up painful memories, but if I can do anything...''

Shizuru was beginning to feel bad about causing her this pain when Natsuki shook her head responding, ``Don't worry. This isn't your fault. Yes, it is about the HiME... and also about my mother.'' Gathering her courage, she continued, ``I don't know how much you know about her, but... I think I should tell you. I've never told anyone else, but maybe telling someone can help. Maybe I should have told you long ago.''

``Don't worry about not telling me earlier,'' replied Shizuru. ``I'd like to help, and if listening can help, I will listen with all my heart.''

Natsuki took a few bites of her meal, and visibly gathered her courage. Maybe she was also able to find some in Shizuru's calm clear red eyes, offering her acceptance, support and love. Natsuki drew a breath and began:

``When I was little, mother worked at a lab in Mihoshi. I suppose you know it was run by the First District investigating HiME and their potential with higher order matter.''

Shizuru nodded in agreement.

``Mother's research was directly involved with that, but I've never found exactly what she discovered in her research. I couldn't find any more data there when we went back that night.'' Natsuki blushed, and a small smile crept over Shizuru's face as the both remembered Shizuru stopping for a sexy Natsuki on the seaside road hitchhiking back. Not wanting to bring that particular topic up, Natsuki continued, ``Toward the end of her work at the lab, mother seemed to be worried about something, but wouldn't tell me what. I think it was something she discovered about HiME. Then—that night—she took me and my dog Duran out in the car. I'd never seen her drive that fast before, or grip the wheel that tightly. I think we were being chased, but I'm not sure. It was a decade ago, and a lot of my memories from then are a bit fuzzy. Anyway, dodging someone at that pull-off by the ocean she drove off the road there and crashed into the waters below. I woke up days later in the hospital. Mother was dead; so was Duran.''

A tear coursed down Natsuki's cheek, then another and another. Shizuru reached over a comforting hand and placed it on Natsuki's.

``I heard later that mother had sold me to the Searrs Foundation, and was going to deliver me that night. I think they wanted those with HiME potential for their experiments, and I guess mother found out I had it and wanted the money.'' Tears began flowing down Natsuki's cheeks. ``Mother, why would you sell me?''

Shizuru gave a tender squeeze to the hand under hers, and with her other took out a handkerchief to dry Natsuki's tears. Her heart went out to her crying friend. _Is this the first time I've seen Natsuki cry?_ she wondered. She would do anything to help and comfort Natsuki—but what? This time wholesale slaughter was surely the wrong answer.

After a bit, Shizuru asked, ``Are you sure your mother was selling you? How did you find that out?''

Natsuki grasped Shizuru's hand in return, strongly, as if the strength of her grasp could pull courage from her. She took the handkerchief, finished drying her tears and tried to collect herself. Regardless of what her mother thought of her, Shizuru was here, and she deeply and obviously cared for Natsuki. She wasn't alone—if she could only accept Shizuru's feelings.

Natsuki returned the handkerchief, took a sip of her tea and began telling Shizuru of the conversation in the rain with John Smith where he had told her of her mother selling her, and how that matched the money trail she'd found earlier. Shizuru listened as Natsuki quietly told her all about this and much more about her mother and her childhood. She also noticed that Natsuki never once let go of her hand, and her grip tightened during the more difficult parts.

``I see,'' said Shizuru when Natsuki had finished. She already knew some of this, but Natsuki's words filled in the gaps. ``It seems you're most concerned about how your mother felt about you.''

Natsuki nodded, again impressed at her perceptiveness.

``I can't know what your mother was really thinking,'' Shizuru continued, ``but I would guess that toward the end, it was _for you_ that she was worried. I see that she loved you very much and wanted to somehow make sure you were safe. I think she was worried about both the First District and Searrs Foundation. Perhaps the transaction Mr. Smith mentioned was an effort to try to buy some time to get you to a place of safety. After what you've told me of her, I can't imagine that she would want her daughter to be experimented on. Also, we both know the terrible price of being a HiME, and if she discovered any of that, she would want to protect you from that as well.''

``I know...'' Shizuru took a breath and drew some strength from Natsuki this time. ``I _know_ that we do not think as clearly when someone we love is threatened.'' Seeing understanding in her green eyes, she continued, ``Your mother must have felt the same; she loved you and faced a terrible dilemma.''

A glimmer of hope began in Natsuki's eyes, but it soon dimmed. ``But John Smith said I was being sold to Searrs as a research sample.''

``Natsuki, did you ever consider if Mr. Smith was telling you the whole truth, or why he told you the way he did? He likely had more motives than those he told you. For that matter, was your mother completely truthful with him either?''

Natsuki shook her head. These questions had never occurred to her before.

``Remember that the Searrs Foundation manipulated the HiME festival for their own ends, though exactly what those were is still a bit vague. I think that Mr. Smith was still trying to manipulate you with that information, probably for more than just finding Miyu's location.'' Shizuru paused and closed her eyes for a moment.

``Maybe you're right,'' said Natsuki. Her face grew thoughtful as she considered what Shizuru said.

The two sat silently looking at each other for a while as both thought back over the terrible events of the HiME festival. An echo of recalled pain appeared on Shizuru's face changing Natsuki's direction of thought.

``Shizuru, I keep telling you not to worry about what happened during the festival. We were all manipulated back then, so we shouldn't try to take other's guilt for our own.''

Shizuru smiled faintly, trying to take her advice. ``Natsuki, maybe I should tell you the same thing.''

Natsuki paused. ``Maybe I should let you.'' She took a breath. ``I'll try to listen.''

Shizuru squeezed her hand. ``Please,'' she quietly asked. ``Let's try together.''

Natsuki nodded, returning a wan smile. ``I should try to focus on what you said. The important thing is that that mother did love me. Sakomizu-sensei also told me that she did. And if that's true, maybe the rest doesn't really matter.''

Shizuru nodded. ``Yes, I think love really is the important part.'' Her cheeks heated as she realized how else this could be interpreted, and she was relieved to see Natsuki seemed only to be thinking about her mother's love, or at least didn't object to any other interpretations.

Natsuki nodded in agreement, and both of their expressions brightened as they realized that once more they had used a meal here to ease sharing painful memories. And once again it had helped and they felt better. Was it this restaurant and the food, or was it the sharing. Neither cared, as they finished their lunch together.

After lunch, the two returned to Shizuru's apartment and their books. Natsuki returned to her studies with renewed vigor. Perhaps the lunch really had helped her. Shizuru didn't have as much to do as Natsuki, since she was graduating and her term was coming to a close. But if sitting here reading a book could help Natsuki study, she would read volumes. Plus, she genuinely enjoyed the time together.

As the afternoon stretched on, Shizuru glanced from her book over to the tea she had made for the two of them. Hers was growing cool, and Natsuki's cup was almost empty. It was probably time to make more.

``Shizuru,'' Natsuki asked looking up from her books as Shizuru rose from the table, ``would you like to go for a ride this afternoon?''

``Of course,'' replied Shizuru, her smile betraying little of her surprise. This was not the first time Natsuki had offered her a ride on her bike, but those times had always been a ride specifically to somewhere. Since Natsuki mentioned no destination this time, Shizuru wondered, but that would not have deterred her in the slightest. However, the full skirt she was currently wearing would not work well on the bike. ``Let me change into something more suitable,'' Shizuru continued.

Natsuki nodded and watched her friend head back to her room. Shizuru wouldn't have minded changing right in front of Natsuki, but felt that this was not the time to tease an embarrassed blush out of her, so she carefully closed the door before slipping out of her skirt and into a pair of jeans.

Natsuki had straightened her things and had just finished putting away the tea service as Shizuru returned. ``You ready?'' she asked.

Shizuru smiled and nodded in return.

Shizuru put on the second helmet Natsuki offered her and then got on the bike behind her raven-haired friend. ``Hold on tight,'' said Natsuki who waited until Shizuru had before heading out. Shizuru did as she was told, clinging tightly to Natsuki's back. A contented smile spread across Shizuru's face as she thought how happy she was here. She could hold Natsuki close without fear of scaring her or of letting herself go too far. Maybe it was because she had permission; maybe it was because Natsuki was in control here. Shizuru was content just to hold Natsuki and let the road go zooming by.

Natsuki pulled over and stopped in town. Getting off the bike she explained, ``I need to pick up something here,'' and headed into a florist shop. Shizuru followed, curious but not complaining as Natsuki bought a bouquet to bring along.

As they rode off once more, Shizuru began to wonder where they were headed. She still held on tightly to Natsuki, as she was asked, but now she spared some thought from enjoying Natsuki's closeness to think of the road they were on and where it went. This one headed out of town and down along the ocean to Mihoshi. Realizing exactly where it was headed caused Shizuru to freeze for a moment. She hoped to disguise this from Natsuki by shifting slightly as if to relieve a cramp. Her mind spun out of control, wondering why Natsuki was heading to the spot where her madness had begun, if that was where she really was headed. A lot certainly seemed to happen at that spot so she tried to convince herself not to worry.

Sure enough, Natsuki was headed there. She stopped at the somewhat abbreviated pull-off over the ocean. A new guardrail now closed off the end of the ledge which Shizuru had sliced off, sending Nao to the rocks and waves below. Natsuki seemed not to notice her friend's discomfort as she removed her helmet, took up the flowers and walked up to the guardrail. She stared out over the ocean toward the setting sun for a bit, then threw the bouquet into the waves below and knelt to pray. Shizuru watched as the salty wind played with Natsuki's hair and grew less confused as she began putting things together in her head.

When Natsuki got back up, she turned to find Shizuru watching her with a private, tender smile on her face. ``Thank you for bringing me here, Natsuki. The sunset is beautiful, but it looks like you came here to do more than watch the sun go down.''

``Yeah,'' replied Natsuki, seeming more embarrassed and vulnerable than usual. ``I... I try to come here every year on this day, my mother's birthday. This is the cliff where she drove us off the road and died. I want her to know I still remember her and that I'm doing all right. And I... I wanted you to know too.''

Natsuki's face colored as it always did when she was embarrassed. Shizuru realized that she was probably the first person Natsuki had ever told this to: the first time she had ever brought anyone else here on this day. The degree of trust this implied from the private Natsuki made her feel honored.

``Thank you for sharing this with me. It means a lot that you've told me this about your past and your mother: that you trust me enough to share this with me.''

No one other than Shizuru would have recognized the gratitude that passed across Natsuki's face, or the following doubt and then decision. Still, she was surprised when Natsuki took her hand and led her back to the guardrail. She had no idea what to expect when Natsuki turned back to the sea, still holding her hand.

``Mother,'' Natsuki said out loud, ``This is Shizuru. I wish you could have met her. She's... she means more to me than anyone else in the world. She's kind, and caring, and beautiful, and... She helped me to see there is more to life than vengeance: there is friendship and trust and hope. She saved my life, and she... she... she loves me.''

As Natsuki told this to her mother, Shizuru turned to stare at her in amazement. She returned the tight squeeze of Natsuki's hand in hers as her heart swelled with joy, and love, and hope. By the time Natsuki turned back to look at her, tears were streaming down her cheeks.

``Natsuki,'' Shizuru said, her heart in her mouth. ``Natsuki!'' It was the most beautiful word she knew. ``Thank you, Natsuki.''

No more words were spoken. None were needed. Natsuki was not good with words and Shizuru's eloquence was swamped in the tide of hope in her heart. The two remained holding hands and gazing deep into each other's eyes as the sun dropped below the horizon.

``We probably should get back,'' commented Shizuru, when it finally had disappeared.

``Yeah,'' agreed Natsuki, but she did not relinquish Shizuru's hand until they got to the bike. ``Hold on tight,'' she said once they were both mounted and before starting off.

Shizuru once more did as she was told, and clung tightly to her love as Natsuki took the bike back up the darkening road, back toward Shizuru's apartment, back to what was becoming more and more for Natsuki ...home.


	9. Chapter 9: Flower Language

**Author's Note:**  
Now that Natsuki has begun opening up to Shizuru, things start moving more quickly. Since the next chapters are individually shorter and seem to hang together as a unit, I'll put them all up together for you. Please let me know what you think.

**Rebirth: Chapter 9**

**Flower Language**

* * *

Shizuru was both happy and apprehensive a few weeks later when Natsuki came over for their now-normal studying together. This time there was a vase holding three white azaleas on the table.

Shizuru had found them waiting at her door last night when she returned home. Who would have left her flowers was answered by the small note included with them. There, a somewhat unskilled hand had written:

Yes, I do mean this.  
Thank you.  
—Natsuki

Shizuru had needed to hold onto the chair for support, as her knees had gone weak and she could no longer focus through the tears filling her eyes.

She had mostly calmed down by the time Natsuki arrived the next morning, but her heart was still in her mouth, and she was almost afraid to speak.

``Natsuki,'' she asked, gesturing toward the flowers, ``Do you know the flower language? ...You do know what white azaleas mean in flower language?''

``Yes,'' replied Natsuki, with a calm smile. ``I know—I really am fortunate in having your love.''

``Natsuki!'' cried Shizuru, completely abandoning decorum and enveloping Natsuki in a tight embrace.

Shizuru's mind then caught up with the thought that maybe this was not the type of attention Natsuki wanted from her. There was barely time to contemplate this fear of rejection before Natsuki's arms closed about her returning her hug and banishing her fear. Shizuru buried her face in Natsuki's neck. They continued to hold each other and it was several minutes before Natsuki got anything from her but incoherent, tearful, joyful mumblings.

When both could talk again, for Natsuki was also rather overcome by the intensity, they loosened their embrace enough to look each other in the face.

``Thank you, Natsuki.'' Shizuru sniffed, freeing a hand momentarily to wipe the tears of joy from her eyes. ``Did you actually go look up the flower language just for this? ...just for me?''

``Yeah. I'm not good with words, so I thought this might be a way to say this that you would know.''

Shizuru's eyes, and the tightening of her arms around Natsuki said that it did mean something to her, something very, very special indeed.

``Thank you, Shizuru. I really am glad that you love me, though it's only been in the past months that I've seen how important your love is to me. I... I don't know whether I can really love anyone,'' she continued. ``I've spent so much of my life focused on revenge and denying anything like love... But... but I want to stay with you, and if... could you... can you have the patience to wait for me to see if I can love you... like... like you deserve.''

Shizuru looked up into her clear green eyes and smiled. ``That's all right, Natsuki. What you've just given me is more than I ever hoped for... better than I ever deserved. I'll _always_ be here for you. I do love you. I'll wait as long as you need, and if you don't find love like you say, I'll still be happy to be your friend, ...very happy.''

Shizuru thought back to her first kiss from Natsuki in the ruined church, and realized that it, together with Natsuki's words, was what brought her back to sanity. Now, she really knew that Natsuki accepted her as she was, with all she'd done, and with all her desires. And those desires no longer seemed quite so twisted. With this she could be content, even if that second kiss never came. She could love Natsuki, and that love was accepted.

Shizuru once again buried her face in Natsuki's beautiful hair, and let out a deep sigh of contentment as the two held each other tight. Neither of them wished to let go.


	10. Chapter 10: Graduation

**Author's Note:**  
This chapter ends up weaving in some of the events of episode 26, but with the emphasis on how they impact Shizuru and Natsuki. I wonder how it corresponds to what the original writer was thinking.

**Rebirth: Chapter 10**

**Graduation**

* * *

After the graduation ceremony was done, Shizuru was walking around the school when she heard Natsuki talking with Sakomizu-sensei near one of the school's flower beds. He was telling her that she would need to repeat the year due to her absences. Natsuki was obviously flustered, all the more so when he said they couldn't ``do something'' about it. Her expressions were so very cute that Shizuru couldn't resist.

``Ah, repeating a year is nice,'' commented Shizuru. ``Maybe I shouldn't graduate,'' she added smiling and dropping her diploma.

``Shizuru!''

Natsuki's expression of shock was as cute as Shizuru could have hoped, but she soon relented and picked her diploma back up.

``Sensei,'' she asked, ``is there anything other than attendance that is an issue for Kuga-han?''

``Um... no,'' he had to respond, for in spite of her abysmal attendance, Natsuki's test scores were actually quite acceptable.

``Don't you think that Kuga-han's attendance record recently is acceptable, assuming her grades continue to be satisfactory, sensei?'' she asked, her voice once again carrying that tone of regal calmness. ``I will vouch for her grades and future improved attendance.''

``Well, I guess so,'' he hesitantly replied. Turning again to Natsuki, ``You will need to maintain good attendance and grades for the rest of your time in High School, but I think we can arrange for you not to have to repeat a year.'' He wondered at Shizuru's ability. By simply asking in her calm style, she had convinced him that her way was the right one. Even now, he was not sure what he would have finally decided had she not shown up.

``Thank you, sensei,'' acknowledged Shizuru as she calmly turned to leave.

An unsettled Natsuki followed in her wake. When they were out of earshot, Natsuki turn to her.

``Shizuru, thank you but... you're still going to graduate, aren't you?''

``Yes, Natsuki, I'm still graduating,'' Shizuru responded with her silver laugh. ``Your expressions there were so cute. I just couldn't resist.''

``Shizuru!''

Natsuki fumed. Once more her friend had been able to play her like an instrument. She hated falling for her teasing like that, but she thought Shizuru never seemed to tease anyone else quite the same way. Yes, she would sometimes fan the fire of Haruka's tantrums, but Natsuki couldn't ever recall her trying to embarrass anyone else. It was an interesting distinction, and she was only beginning to understand Shizuru enough to see why. There was never any meanness behind the teasing; it was because Shizuru truly loved her. And with that, Natsuki realized she didn't really mind the teasing either, but if anyone else teased her like that that...

``Thank you,'' Natsuki quietly said as she stopped and blushed.

Shizuru looked at her, and could tell that Natsuki was thinking of something, and that this was no longer on the subject of attendance or graduation.

``You're welcome, Natsuki. But what are you thanking me for?''

Natsuki smiled, impressed again by her perceptiveness.

``I... I finally figured out why you tease me like you do. I won't thank you for the teasing, but,'' she blushed deeper and continued in a quiet voice. ``Thank you for the love behind it.''

Shizuru's eyes widened and a tender smile filled her face. She was touched that Natsuki now felt comfortable saying this, and that she understood it so clearly. She herself hadn't realized the full truth behind Natsuki's words until she spoke them.

``You're welcome, Natsuki, and thank you for seeing that.''

The two continued on to the field where Mai was hosting a picnic. They arrived at the spot just as Mikoto was dropping in from the tree above. Mai tried to keep her from exposing herself, but they young girl still didn't quite seem to understand normal propriety. Mikoto also announced that Natsuki had given her the bra she was wearing.

``Really, I don't think she needs one just yet, but...'' commented Natsuki. She and Shizuru had discussed this gift before she gave it to Mikoto. They figured that she didn't exactly need support from a bra, but if wearing one could make her feel and act a little more mature, that would be a victory. Only time would tell if it had that effect.

The whole group sat on the blanket and enjoyed Mai's picnic. It was good to be together and there was much good-natured teasing. Even Nao seemed to enjoy the group repartee, as she lay on the blanket next to Natsuki. Mai read the letter from Takumi and Akira saying that he was doing well after his operation. Midori's postcard showed she was still having fun in her own wild style.

After Reito and Tate asked Mai on a date during the upcoming vacation, Aoi teased her about being popular. Mai responded with:

``Well, love is good. Right Natsuki? Mikoto?''

Natsuki's response of ``Yeah'' warmed Shizuru far more than the hot tea she was drinking, though the control she had of her face meant that no-one else realized this. For now, it was good enough to keep Natsuki company in public.

That evening, they all congregated for karaoke, which is what Mai said she wanted to do more than anything else. That girl really loved to sing.

Natsuki ended up sitting on the couch between Yoko and Mikoto. Shizuru was disappointed that the seat she wanted was taken, so she snuck up behind Natsuki and gave her a hug instead. Of course this surprised and flustered Natsuki, and she looked very cute that way. But she didn't really get angry; all she did was narrow her eyes, look at Shizuru and privately ask her:

``In public?''

Shizuru simply smiled in response. That this was Natsuki's only question was a relief. She let go, and when Mikoto bounced up and elsewhere she quietly took the place next to Natsuki. Neither sang—Natsuki was determined not to after her last experience at karaoke—but they both enjoyed the happy atmosphere.

As others got up and down to sing, the two were pushed into closer contact on the couch. Shizuru noticed that Natsuki didn't flinch at this, but her face had a little color and the hint of a smile when she looked over when their thighs touched. When Yoko got up relieving the squeeze, Natsuki didn't move to break the contact.

Shizuru enjoyed this evening far more than she would have first expected.


	11. Chapter 11: Spring Flowers

**Rebirth: Chapter 11**

**Spring Flowers**

* * *

The next day, Natsuki wandered alone through the flower garden near the director's mansion at school. The sakura were in bloom, the once-bare trees now dressed in their finest, palest pink blossoms. Yet Natsuki's eyes strayed not so much to the trees, but rather toward one particular flower bed. No flowers yet bloomed there, but the plants which filled it promised to bloom when the fullness of spring arrived. Some people, like Shizuru, could tell what type of flowers would bloom from these plants, but Natsuki lacked this skill.

``Natsuki, are you looking for something in the flower beds?'' asked Shizuru, who had silently come up behind her.

``No... well maybe yes,'' she replied, with just the hint of a blush. ``Do you remember this flower bed?''

``How could I forget? I remember a cute girl ready to crush some flowers there,'' replied Shizuru staring at the same green bed.

``She was, but now I know the flowers should instead be cherished. They're trying their best to bloom during their short life,'' replied Natsuki. She held out her hand to Shizuru, ``Like I'm trying to do. Thank you for teaching me that... and so much more.''

Shizuru stepped closer and hesitantly took the hand Natsuki held out to her. ``This is where we first met, isn't it,'' she commented and continued in a tone of quiet awe, ``You even remember what I said back then.''

Natsuki held on tightly to Shizuru's hand. ``Yes. Since then you've done so much for me, taught me so much... of caring, of life... of love.'' She turned to face Shizuru. ``I don't want to lose you now that you've graduated. Please, keep teaching me. Please, I...'' She paused, moving both hands to hold Shizuru's waist and looked her straight in the eye, open and trusting. ``I love you. I'm only starting to see how much. Please teach me of love—of your kind of love.''

Shizuru's cheeks were the ones to color this time as Natsuki drew her close.

``Do you really mean this?'' Shizuru asked, weak and vulnerable. ``Is this what _you_ want for yourself? Not for me, for yourself.''

``Yes.''

Shizuru's eyes widened then closed as Natsuki confirmed her answer with a kiss: hesitantly at first, then with growing passion as Shizuru returned her kiss and her embrace. As they held each other tightly a gust of wind came up and blew their hair together, mingled raven and chestnut, and the cold of the wind had no power over the warmth of their hearts.

They finally broke their kiss to stare into each others eyes. Shizuru playfully rubbed noses with Natsuki. When she responded with a little laugh of joy and a smile, a tight band of fear fell free from around Shizuru's heart.

``Are you really all right with this, Natsuki? With me here?'' asked Shizuru, still not sure she could believe her good fortune. ``With this twisted love?''

Natsuki's eyes hardened for a moment. ``It's not twisted, my dear,'' she contradicted. ``It is simply love.'' She tightened her arms around Shizuru. ``And, yes, I've found I really do love you.''

Shizuru's breath caught. Was this true? Did Natsuki truly believe this? It was! She did! And her eyes shown with sincerity and truth and love. ``Oh, Natsuki. I love you too,'' was all Shizuru could say as she held her love tight and tears of happiness ran down her face.

After what seemed like an instant and an eternity, the two broke their embrace and returned to the present world. They slowly became cognizant of trees and grass and time. Looking around, they were grateful to find that these trees and grass had been the only witnesses to their confession.

``What should we tell the others?'' asked Shizuru, mirroring Natsuki's wondering. There was no longer any question of what they had between them, merely what they should tell the world.

``I want to shout it from the top of the school: how lucky I am,'' replied Natsuki. ``But... I'm sorry, I'm also afraid of being teased about it, or worse. I guess I'm not very strong.''

``I understand,'' said Shizuru with a tender, knowing smile. ``But you're stronger than you think you are. I found society does not look kindly on my orientation. ...Or can I say our orientation?''

``Yes. It's mine too.'' replied Natsuki with a smile that practically melted Shizuru. ``How did you deal with others? Can you teach me? ...If you're there to help, to rely on, to love, then yes, I think I can face the world.''

``I will always be here for you, Natsuki. If there's _anything_ I can do to help you, I want to. Please let me.'' Shizuru paused, gathering her thoughts for a moment. ``Please ask for anything. I don't want to scare you off with how much I want to do for you, ...and sometimes it even scares me.''

``Thank you, dear.''


	12. Chapter 12: A New Day

**Rebirth: Chapter 12**

**A New Day**

* * *

Shizuru awoke the next morning and had to wonder if she was really awake and not dreaming, for lying next to her was Natsuki, just like she had dreamed of and hoped for so many times. Natsuki had one of the happiest, most peaceful expressions on her face that Shizuru had ever seen. This had to be a dream. But if this could be real...

She sent her mind back to last night, and found this might well be real. Yesterday Natsuki had confessed, and her words, ``Please teach me of love... of your kind of love,'' were ones that Shizuru would treasure for the rest of her life, as she would their second kiss among the sakura trees. So maybe this was real. She also fondly remembered Natsuki correcting her, ``It's not twisted, my dear. It is simply love.'' And if Natsuki believed that, she would try to as well.

Shizuru continued looking at Natsuki's lovely face, but this time, she dared more. Reaching out, she tenderly brushed aside a wayward strand of hair, then caressed her cheek. To have permission to do this was a gift beyond price.

``Mm... Shizuru,'' Natsuki mumbled in her sleep and pulled her closer. Shizuru returned this embrace as she had wanted to for so many years.

``Natsuki, I love you,'' she whispered into her hair.

Shizuru was happy to just stay here like this, holding her sleeping lover, but Natsuki eventually opened her eyes.

``Good morning, love,'' Shizuru greeted her.

Shizuru's heart melted when Natsuki replied with their first good morning kiss. This was not just a quick peck, and Shizuru returned it with all her love, in no hurry to stop. Finally they did, lying in each other's arms gazing at one another.

``I'd like to stay like this forever,'' commented Shizuru, ``but perhaps it's time to get up.''

``OK. Hows about doing breakfast together.''

Shizuru and Natsuki finally got up this morning, but without any rush. Heading to the kitchen, they began making breakfast together. And together was how they enjoyed it: moving around as they set things out and began cooking, they took every opportunity for a tender caress, a quick kiss, or a loving word.

While Shizuru stood in front of the stove with the skillet, Natsuki came up behind and wrapped her arms around her. Shizuru relaxed and leaned back into this embrace as she had wished for so long, and she almost lost track of time. Soon they were sitting across the table from each other, enjoying both food and companionship, and if the eggs were fried a little longer than usual, neither complained.

``This reminds me of that first breakfast we had here after you arrived that rainy night,'' commented Shizuru.

``Yeah, it does,'' smiled Natsuki. ``Are your nightmares better now?''

``My nightmares have not returned at all of late. And the good dreams...'' Shizuru looked down and continued in a low sincere voice, ``you've made them come true, my love.''

Natsuki smiled and took a sip of her tea.

``Thanks for waiting for me, dear. I'm sorry I took so long to see.''

``That's quite all right,'' replied Shizuru, her face shining with pure love. ``It's been worth the wait.''

After finishing breakfast the two cleared the table together. While washing the dishes, and while Natsuki was drying and putting them away, Shizuru thought: reborn really was the word to describe them now. Both her life and Natsuki's were certainly new and different now. A new life, a new world, a new love—but all built on what was before, and drawing strength from those deep roots. How many other couples had a chance at life like this after dying in each other's arms.

Natsuki put the last dish away and Shizuru dried her hands. A glance between them and they were in each others arms, holding each other tight with all their love. Each knew that in this new life, they need never again fear being alone, for they would always be there for each other.

* * *

**Author's Note:**  
And so we come to the end of **Rebirth.** Thank you for sticking with me through this story. I really appreciate your reviews and look forward to seeing your opinions now that this tale is done. This is how I saw things happening between Shizuru and Natsuki during that nebulous time between the end of the carnival and Shizuru's graduation.

While this does offer closure, I see this as much as a beginning for them as an ending. I've got a few more ideas for Shizuru and Natsuki banging around in my head. I wonder what will come out next, that story or one following the Blue Drop anime. Your reviews inspire me, so please keep them coming.


End file.
